For many years now, I have explored the age-old question of who am I? Like, really?
When you get beneath the exterior, when things get quiet, the clouds part and the skies clear, who am I in my essence?
Still working on that…
But, a parallel we invariably find ourselves confronting regularly, whether we’ve found our answers or not, is how we introduce ourselves when we meet others.
What do you lead with? What do you include? What do you omit? And…why?
As my career and adulting went on, I began to notice more and more that I was coming into circles and experiences, and finding myself in rooms, where we led with what we do. And, not even just what we do, but who we do it for, our titles, sometimes our responsibilities and so on. The subtle (or not so subtle) connotations of accomplishment, success, achievement, recognition, and all the rest of the gold stars many of us were conditioned to strive for, hanging in the space with us.
While this is an arguably very “normal” occurrence here in North America where I reside, as I began to sit with these bigger questions and the nuances and facets of myself and of life, it started to feel very incomplete. Hollow. Empty, even. And, yet, how would I do it instead? Where would I even start?
I found as I leaned into writing, art and healing, and entered circles centering those activities and aspects of myself, my corporate title and legal background felt even more incomplete. Out of place, and perhaps entirely missing the point.
At the same time, though, it was what I knew. What I’d worked my whole life for. What I always went to. There was validation there. Comfort. The promise of immediate recognition and understanding. So, breaking out of this default mode was a real challenge. But, I knew some day I wanted to be seen and truly known (not in the sense of renown but in the more essential, human sense) for more than my corporate identity and to better know who I am outside of it. And, so, I tried.
Funny things happened…
One of my early attempts, this time leading with my writing, resulted in being asked to do a poetry reading. Terror shot through me, which I quickly realized was not necessarily terror. Rather, very potent exhilaration. I had to say yes. And, I did.
As I describe in my recent conversation with Anne V Mühlethaler on her brilliant podcast, The Metta Interview, this question of introducing myself has become more layered, complex and, dare I say, interesting since I made the difficult decision to leave my legal practice and corporate career last year.
I used to have a headline that was an easy check the box. Yep. Yep. Got it. And, then, I could choose to share other things (the “miscellaneous” section if you will) if it felt right (and safe) in whatever context I was in.
Now, I no longer have the choice of leading with that safe, known thing. And my inquiry has gotten deeper and more textured as a result. (Check out my full conversation with Anne here (podcast) and here (YouTube).)
I recently hosted a gathering and invited everyone to consider this question before we sat in circle and introduced ourselves. Not surprisingly, I’m not the only one for whom this is a challenge. Even so, by the time everyone had shared their relationship to this inquiry, and the fruits of any reflection done on it to date, there was a depth of connection beyond what I tend to find in more traditional “get to know you” settings.
Truth? We didn’t completely avoid that “what we do for work” piece. But, even putting on the table this idea that we’re more than our LinkedIn profile or our Instagram page proved provocative. It also cultivated a richness we wouldn’t have experienced so quickly if we’d gone straight to the resume stuff.
So, on this anniversary of me leaving my headline introduction and moving to the “miscellaneous” section full time, I am pleased to (re)introduce myself.
And, to invite you to think about how you might explore doing the same.
Not because you ever need to shift that headline. But, because identity is a funny thing. It can feel cozy and safe. Secure and strong. And, yet, those strong sturdy walls we find comfort in leaning on can become a box we get stuck in. (Particularly for those of us who identify so strongly with their career.) And that stuckness can have a wide range of impacts.
Many people come to me, longing to change their lives in some way. And, in many cases, some of these deeper identity questions can get in the way of that change. Or make things hard. Or harder. Or more confusing, at least.
So, I mention all of this very much with intention. Because I want people to know that it is okay for this to feel awkward. It can be tender. Especially, when we’re talking about parts of ourselves perhaps we’ve worked very hard to hone, or that hold a special place in our lives, or that perhaps have obscured caves we’re not ready to enter.
There can be grieving. There can be questioning. There can be all sorts of things. And all of that is very normal. And very special. That tenderness is sacred. And, it’s often a doorway to a greater understanding of your self and what is possible.
No matter what your unique life’s tapestry looks like, I think these kinds of questions are worth exploring. And, often, the tougher it feels to traverse, the deeper impact that exploration can have.
As I try to model and live into, it’s okay to name and own the discomfort. In fact, it often sparks an interesting conversation.
And, I’ll tell you a secret… You are not going to be the first person who struggles to answer the question of who you truly are. It is an innately human pondering, woven into the fabric of our very existence.
By putting it on the table, you just might find yourself unearthing a deeper layer to the relationships you’re forming. Even simply by leading with something other than your professional bio.
Because, of course, it’s not just who are you? It’s all the other questions, including how do you connect with others when you let a different part or aspect of yourself lead?
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Check out About – Some Days to learn more about this professional chapter and my Offerings to see how we can work together (including a workshop on moving through transitions on 10/25, the first in a series).
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