One of the things I have struggled with in my life and career is making space for my personal big rocks. I’m very intentional about doing so and I fare pretty well most of the time. But, even so, the end result often leaves a gap between where I am and where my heart longs to be. And, time races by all the while.
One of the many reasons I made the difficult decision I did last fall was to recalibrate this. Recalibrate a lot of things…
So, holding all of this, I recognized this summer as a clear opportunity and committed to approaching it with intention.
It’s hard to admit, but summer has often brought a tremor of panic and preemptive grief, knowing my ability to participate in the experiences my family longed to have together was always going to leave something to be desired. Our summer plans have mostly been about childcare and making sure at least my son had a great experience. And he has. Absolutely. This is not about guilt. More, mourning. Every summer I can remember in my adult life has sunset with a deflated shrug and “Maybe next summer…”
This year, though, it was going to be different. With more freedom to set my schedule, this year would be the “next summer” of “Maybe next summers” past. I was excited about all that would be possible. I set my intention on slowness. Spaciousness. Time to enjoy these precious moments with my son as he graduates to tweendom.
In my mind, this looked like frolicking and MOM Camp (the name I kept giving to this intention, much to my son’s chagrin…), flowing through a bucket list of summer favorites. The reality looked a bit different. In fact, some of the most surprising insights came from how my expectations clashed with reality. And the magic that was nonetheless available.
Discipline is Required… No Matter What
First, I learned (once again) that my reality doesn’t exist in the vacuum my daydreams sometimes do. Summer found me amidst so much momentum. So much happening in all my professional pursuits. And my drive towards them as intense as it has always been – probably more so – seducing me into a delightfully frenzied action. (Requiring me to learn (once again) that wherever I go, there I am…) It was clear almost immediately that, without boundaries, I would not achieve my objective.
In returning to boundaries, though, I also learned (again, from a new perspective) that you don’t need unlimited space to have spaciousness and slowness. Working with the intention I’d set, I created deliberate pockets for slowness and spaciousness as well as deliberate pockets for deep work. That meant being deliberate about what I focused on and what I set aside, noticing and resisting the habitual pull toward busyness and “productivity.” And releasing what I needed to release to do so. The key was to stay awake and aware of what I was doing and why and then doing the work to come back to my intention.
In my experience, it’s very easy to think, “if I only had space…” And, space is so important. And, space alone is not sufficient.
I see it so often. With myself and with others. We long for space and we fill it with our to-do lists. We long for space and we say yes to every ask that comes our way. We long for space and then we should ourselves through it. We long for space and then we feel guilty about making the space (and also guilty when we don’t make the space). Through my work and my attention to my own exploration of these things, I’ve found it takes intention, awareness, and boundaries to make space meaningful.
Serendipity
I was telling someone recently about how I’ve been trying to go with the flow this summer and she laughed as she saw my palpable discomfort. It’s true, embracing slowness is not my default setting. I’ve been yearning to dive all-in into my writing after my summer fiction intensive and into my business as I approach my upcoming retreat and all the excitement I have about new offerings from there.
And, at the same time, I’ve had this serendipitous spaciousness. My niece coming to stay with us in my happy place for a songwriting immersion? Here for it. My son navigating starting junior high at a new school? Present for every single moment. Old friends passing through from the other side of the world? Tell me where to meet you. Staycation curated from that summer bucket list? Let’s do it. Impromptu beach days? Camp talent shows? Dinners al fresco? Staying up too late watching movies? Made-up games and tickle fights past bedtime? Yes! All of it! I left space on purpose and magic flowed in. Both into big moments I was able to plan and, also, into tiny glimmers I never could have.
Amidst the flow between pockets of slowness and pockets of focus, we also had some big life transitions to navigate on different timelines than we’d expected, and this purposeful space helped that feel auspicious rather than inducing panic. And, I guess I’ve known this. Throughout my career, I’ve never known what might come up to surprise me in my weeks, but I’ve been pretty safe in betting that something will. So, I’m noticing once again the importance of ensuring there is room to respond and adjust versus being in a perpetual state of the next shoe to drop threatening to be the straw that broke the camel’s back (mixing metaphors as I so delight in doing…).
Additionally, despite my discomfort and the urge, at times, to dive headfirst into all the things, refraining from doing so led to ideas that arrived almost fully formed in the space I created. I think that’s the thing we miss when we barrel through. Full schedules, full calendars, full days, full minds. It doesn’t allow for our most visionary thinking. For creativity. For intuition. Or for the kind of ease that comes when you simply make room for magic. I could grind and hustle at something for weeks or I could give myself space – deliberate downtime – and witness its arrival with gratitude and awe. And I see this truth in so many arenas.
Clarity, Prioritization, Focus, Alignment and Potent Reserves of Potential Energy
As someone culturally and experientially well-trained to be hard-wired for “productivity,” it was interesting to, once again, affirm how pro-productivity slowing down and creating space actually is. Despite what our societal norms and far too many “productivity hacks” would have us believe.
Prioritizing slowness required me to structure my time with clarity, intention and alignment. As a result, I got more of the right things done. I also had to satisfy myself with baby steps sometimes. Which I swear by, but can also feel deeply unsatisfying when you feel like leaping in with abandon. Yet, that fire behind the yearning to leap is a great motivator and I learned to use that to focus in the time I’d allotted (something that doesn’t always come naturally to me). And, what’s wild is you can look back and see how step-by-step, inch-by-inch, page-by-page really adds up. Turns out, I made meaningful progress even when my inner critic argued it wasn’t enough.
The most important realization I am holding is that, while some days made me itch for the kind of action I experience when I have days dedicated to deep work, I have months of those days ahead. And, this time with my son, I will never get back. What could have gone by in a distracted blur, I simmered in. I will always be grateful for that.
Plus, the interesting thing is, heading into summer, I found myself feeling the pull to reground in the essentials in my business and my writing. As I found myself with limited focus time for these things, I found myself getting very clear about the most important things in these areas. Aligning my energy and concentration. Paring things back to the imperative. Focusing only on the vital. Doing so gave me the space to approach this fall refocused, recharged and reinvigorated. Potent stores of potential energy abounding. The tight coil, ready to spring.
There is something about time-bound windows. I love wide open spaces. And, it’s also true that I do well with some structure. Think scaffolding, not walls – I like some flexibility versus rigidity. But we can work with the walls as well. Ask: Where do I have windows for focused work? How long do I have and what is most essential to focus on (even as the list is long and won’t all be completed)? How can I use the solidity to gain traction? How can it be helpful to have something to bump up against?
While I know a whole summer of slowness and spaciousness is not realistic for most, myself included, I learned a lot in a season in which I intentionally prioritized those things. And, I would apply it more broadly by looking for spaces in our day-to-day lives. Our weekends. Mornings. Evenings. Lunch breaks. Vacations. Where can we apply and benefit from these learnings? Where is there room for some intentionality and scaffolding? How can a weekend (or even a morning, evening or lunch break) feel like a time to simmer in slowness or an opportunity for deep work on a passionate priority? What could you enjoy or accomplish if you could resist the pull of the shoulds in the spaces you’ve carved out?
To me, it all comes back to intention. Being choiceful about how we use our time. Be it for filling our personal or professional cups. Or, I think more accurately, braiding together the different threads of the tapestry that makes up our lives. What do we want this to look like and how do we stay disciplined and focused in moving in alignment with that vision?
This season reminded me that there is no bypassing the need for this kind of mindfulness. In fact, so many of the tools that were critical to my success (and survival) in the corporate world are still necessary. And, when we layer in slowness and spaciousness, there is no limit to the ROI. After all, the space we create doesn’t just hold time, it holds magic.