I heard the shoulds… I paused… And I chose me.
The other weekend, I was scheduled to attend a creative retreat. My husband was set to run a half marathon two hours away, with my son in tow for the weekend. As tends to happen in situations like this, our respective schedules filled up with a variety of additional things. Timetables and support arrangements were laboriously crafted and navigation routes plotted.
As I was trying to double-click my own weekend navigation, I realized I still hadn’t seen a retreat schedule so I wasn’t sure how and when best to plot my additional commitments. Things are pretty laid back up here in Idyllwild so I hadn’t really thought anything of it. But, when I wrote the organizer, I learned the retreat had been cancelled. The plans I thought I had were suddenly no more.
Sitting there with the question of “What do I do?” my immediate, reflexive thought was – “I should go with the boys.”
As I heard the should in my mind, though, several things occurred to me.
One, as much as I feel guilty saying this, the should didn’t match my heart’s longing (as so often is the case with shoulds…).
Two, I was feeling like it would be some great, selfless act to go with the boys but, really, my change in plans would lead to a cascade of impacts across the schedules of everyone interacting with our family that weekend. Plus, their weekend had already been meticulously constructed, did not involve me whatsoever, and would not meaningfully benefit from my involvement. In fact, I’m not sure they would much notice it. Not to mention where would we fit in the remaining commitments on my end? (Note to self: Always be on the lookout for the martyr archetype rearing its head...)
And last, but probably most importantly, I had been absolutely yearning for creative space. Big, open space to let the serendipity of creativity stream in. I have so much brewing inside of me and longing to come forth, both in my business and my creative projects. Plus, January was a lot… I was in need of the healing and peace it brings me too, as well as the generative exhilaration. And, I know from experience that by filling this cup, I help ensure I’m at my best in all areas of my life.
With the pause, I realized the universe was winking at me. This wide-open space was a gift. And, in it, I could give myself my own Me-Treat! Our dog, Bubbles, could stay with me and I could weave in my commitments and craft the schedule so they become part of the generative container for my weekend.
As I leaned into the possibility, I got super excited about it. Like, all cylinders firing, ideas flying, bouncing off the walls kind of excited. And I knew it was very much what I needed in that moment.
In the end, I made some good progress on a large, dreamy writing project. And, planted some promising seeds in service of organizing a retreat up here in Idyllwild this fall (stay tuned!). I also turned a couple errands into an Artist Date in Palm Desert, inclusive of a hike in one of my favorite spots and one of my favorite local art shows in La Quinta. And, upon our return home, I even managed to teach Bubbles to cuddle!
I cannot say enough about making space for your needs and your dreams. I also want to emphasize how powerful a tool it can be to pause.
As the plans shift or new variables present themselves. As the thoughts start swirling and the shoulds start firing. As the disappointment hits. As we knee-jerk into react mode. The pause gives us space for perspective and reflection. What do we most need in this moment? What would it look like to prioritize peace? What is the invitation here? What is the most important thing? And, with that perspective and reflection, we can choose our next steps wisely. And with intention.
I find too that there is usually an opportunity in the shift. Some days, though, we are running so fast or we are so fixed on something being a certain way that we don’t see it, even if it’s right in front of us. A pause can help. Particularly if we can hold it with an openness and acceptance of things being a little different than we planned. Maybe even opening us up to new possibilities.
It’s just a fact. Some days, our best laid plans are not going to go the way we thought. Or even hoped. The invitation, I think, is to pause and see the opportunity in it. What is the universe making space for? What is the universe redirecting me towards?