I often say that, in our world today, we only seem to be allowed to have two states. Blessed and blissed.
Don’t get me wrong. I love these states! And, there is a whole rainbow of states and emotions that I dance through almost daily. I think we all do. And, these days, it seems more and more of us are dancing with darkness in the mix of it all. There is a lot on our collective minds and hearts. Our individual minds and hearts as well.
I love all of the natural metaphors of darkness and light in this time as, in the Northern Hemisphere, we approach the Winter Solstice. Having experienced the depths of both, I have come to believe that we can’t truly know one without the other. At the same time, I hold a knowing that it is always darkest before dawn, which leaves me ever hopeful, even in the deepest night. Moreover, the darker it gets, the brighter we experience the light that follows. The juxtaposition itself contributing to the glow.
Some days too (and the Winter Solstice quite literally), our darkest days become the portal through which we start to experience more light.
But, how? How do we get there? How do we trust? How do we stay hopeful? How do we keep moving forward in the dark?
One practice that has helped me is holding tightly to the belief that, no matter how dark it gets, the light will come. Then, it becomes how do we make it through until then? Often, the dark can seem so all-encompassing. Taking it on in its entirety all at once can seem completely overwhelming and impossible. And, it can almost entrench that feeling of stuckness or hopelessness.
Instead, I find it helpful to focus only on doing the next right thing. Use my energy to get really clear on what that is, and then do that. Refusing to worry about the rest of it until that piece becomes the next right thing.
It’s like when a necklace gets all tangly and there are dozens of knots all knotted together into one Gordian Knot. The trick is to find the one that will unstick, and then move to the next one and the next one after that.
Then, when that necklace is untangled, we must wear it and sparkle. Same way that when that next step leads us to a lighter place, we must bask in the glow. We must fiercely celebrate. We must shine our light and our gratitude.
And, I have come to realize that this path of navigating darkness and light is essentially the same as the one I find to be most helpful in the intentional pursuit of big dreams.
Often, the dream can feel so big that it can feel hopeless. Unrealistic and unattainable. The odds, beyond insurmountable. Here, too, one step at a time is the path I recommend. To the extent it serves us to bask in the glow of the big dream as motivation or inspiration – Yes! By all means! We need this too! But, if and when it gets to the place of actually holding us back, we can narrow our focus.
What is the next right thing?
And, certainly, if we are not clear on the next right thing, we can look instead at what feels like a good thing? Or even, what feels like a helpful thing? A fun thing? A nourishing thing? A “kind to self” or “kind to future self” thing?
Sometimes, when I’m trying to untangle a necklace, I hold it from different places on the chain and just shake it. This has never actually untied the knot itself. However, many times, it has shaken something loose. Made the knot a little less sticky or the next piece of the tangle to focus on a little more readily apparent.
So, perhaps this is a resounding endorsement for doing something.
And, because I tend to find myself amidst contradictions, I will say that, some days, doing something looks a lot like doing nothing.
I have found so much gold in reflection and space (which seems to be one of the most finite, encroached upon and wasted resources of our modern times…). It is shocking, but perhaps not surprising, how often the thing I am looking for is right there for me when I give myself space. The extra time in the long, hot shower. Sipping my coffee by the fire while journaling instead of rushing into my day. Staying in on a Saturday night and not filling the space with streaming or other content. Taking a nap on a Sunday afternoon.
One of the things I love about this time of year is that it is such a natural time to get quiet and to go inward. Sure, there are lots of holidays and festivities, and we can get swept up in the sparkle. (And, by all means, we should sparkle!) But, I also invite you to consider – Is there a space to make for reflection? For rest? For healing? For regeneration? For dreaming? For gathering our energy so we have more of it to invest in the year and the vision ahead?
I love the seasons. All of them, really. But, to me, nothing is more beautiful and inspiring than a real autumn. The colors alone. (Not to mention pumpkin spice everything because, yes, I am that person. (Apple spice too.)) But, also, the metaphor of what these beautiful trees are doing. They are letting go. Even though the things they hold hold beauty. They are harnessing their energy and their resources inward so they can withstand the winter and be renewed for spring. Ready to be reborn. Phoenixes rising.
Many cultures and traditions invite us to use the Winter Solstice to do this too, looking back at the year, harvesting learnings, letting go of what needs to be released and planting seeds for the year to come. And I am so here for it. This is how we grow. This is how we evolve. This is how we close one year and meet the next with intention.
Let’s be the trees. Let’s get cozy and go inward for some deep nourishing reflection, healing and rest. Preparing ourselves for the bloom to come.