I find I’ve been thinking a lot about boxes.
The boxes we find ourselves in. The boxes we put ourselves in. The boxes our world puts us in. Not to mention, the boxes of the shoulds. Of identity. The boxes of how we’ve always seen ourselves or thought we had to be. The boxes of limiting beliefs or expectations. The boxes of other people’s opinions and the threat of judgment (or worse) when those boxes are not meticulously maintained, image not exactingly managed. The boxes created by difficult situations. Or the things we use to dim or numb the edges of the boxes. Even just the boxes of our offices, our computers, our inboxes.
I am noticing that a core theme in the work I do with Some Days is helping people break out of those boxes. Finding the keys within themselves to unlock possibility, expansion and intuition. Often, beyond what they ever imagined possible.
It has also been a core theme in my own life. And, it’s looked like a lot of different things for me over the course of my journey.
Perhaps ironically, I had to break out of the box of the right brain English major to believe I could pursue my dream of a career in corporate law. Then, the box of being a big firm corporate lawyer to become a business leader. Many times, I would have to break out of the walls of my office to see the bigger picture and develop the deal strategy, a creative solution or my long-range plan. And, as I decided to revisit my right brain callings and start to write again, which led me to coaching and callings in that regard too, I had to break out of the boxes of my left brain and my corporate identity (as well as the risk-focus and perception-consciousness that was strengthened alongside it) to begin to tap into what I longed to create. Not to mention, the boxes of expectation and approval. Of pleasing and propriety.
While there are many tools that can be helpful, some days, to think outside the box, we have to step outside the box. Often, literally.
It can be so helpful to change-up our environment. Call-in different perspectives. Whether it’s our physical surroundings, the people we surround ourselves with, the voices we let influence us, even our daily or weekly routine.
That’s one of the reasons my retreats and me-treats are such a powerful part of the integrated life and leadership coaching work that I do. It’s something I experienced going to Idyllwild myself and it’s something I share with others there.
Some days, it’s hard to see the unlock when you’re in it. And stepping away can create the space, distance and quiet to hear what is true. To work with what arises when you hear it. To take tangible, intentional steps towards where it wants to lead you. Towards a life that looks more like the one you long for. Towards what’s possible.
Another thing worth noting is, when we are in the box, we tend to think we are the only one in a box. We often don’t even realize we’re in a box. And we can’t see outside of it. But, if we could, we would see so many others in similar constraints. I can’t count the number of times I have heard how powerful it is to realize we’re not alone in it.
Sadly, too, there are the numerous times I’ve heard from others that they were struggling under a tight lid in periods in my life when I was also similarly stuck. I feel such loss when I think about how we could’ve been there for each other if we could’ve only found our way to seeing outside of our boxes. To be real. To be vulnerable. To be open.
This is where self-compassion is so important. Because, of course, when we’re in a box, it can often be challenging to find the space for the work of noticing we’re in the box, let alone unboxing. And it’s important that we don’t create more boxes by being unkind to ourselves about that.
At the same time, we can cultivate spaciousness. With intention.
And, the magic thing is, creating the space in the first place is actually so much of the work. Drawing the boundaries we need to invest in ourselves. Believing we are worth investing in. These things in and of themselves are a huge part of the journey and the transformation available in it.
So, invitation to consider: What boxes are currently constraining you? And what might be possible if you stepped outside of them?